Piece Of Heart
by Werewolfling
Summary: Duo tries to find himself and Quatre struggles with his friend's decision. Short story with Shounen Ai.


A Piece of Heart  
By Cindy the Werewolfling  
  
Four years was a long time, and very dull for the ex-Gundam pilot, he supposed. Duo certainly didn't mind though, the pros often out-weighed the cons in peacetime. He took a seat, leaning against the tree he had paused under, watching the dog he had taken in about a year ago run full-speed wherever her nose led her.  
  
He had spent most of the time after the war traveling here and there, wherever his moods sent him. He had just turned twenty a month before and was beginning to wonder what lie ahead for him.  
  
His eyes half-closed; he dozed, taking a long look at himself. A wanderer he was now, no home really, no love . . . No, he always had love, wherever he went he found someone who could love him and he loved in return, but he never stayed, he couldn't stay. 'Have I just not found my true love yet? Do I have one at all?' he wondered. Silently he cursed his natural indecision.  
  
A year or so after the pilots had split up; Duo had sought them out. He was more bored than lonely. He had found Wufei first and spent a long time with him, a lot longer than Duo was happy with. He wouldn't leave until Wufei freed him though and Wufei had still needed him. It had helped the Asian to have him that close. They would always be good friends, but their everyday lives clashed too much for them both to be happy together.  
  
Wufei was very strict in his self-discipline and Duo adored him for that and many other things. Duo chuckled at their fonder memories. It was always humorous to catch Wufei when he was ticklish.  
  
Quatre found the couple shortly before Duo left again. The blond was severely depressed from losing Trowa. Duo set to work cheering his saddened friend through phone calls and letters from a far.   
  
Wufei finally freed Duo from his obligation and Duo though his affection now followed the smitten blonde and would for a long time. He thought he was finally going to settle down. He didn't go to Quatre right away though. He chose a winding course pausing here and there and taking his time. He grew more infatuated with his old comrade every day.  
  
They set up a date to meet, by the time that day came Duo could hardly stay still. He wanted to see Quatre; he missed the blond so much. Duo sighed and Shi bounded over, all tail wags and smiles. He wondered if he had forgotten Quatre to an exaggerated fantasy. From the instant they had met at the restaurant something felt wrong. He easily masked his discomfort, of course, so well practiced with his smiles he often fooled himself too.  
  
He had to get away after the first week though and took Shi on this long walk. By now, almost every little thing Quatre did in Duo's presence ground the braided ones nerves a little more. "Why, Shi? We got along so well before . . . and when we just wrote each other and talked on the phone. Why couldn't I stay?"  
Shi whined and placed her head in Duo's lap. She couldn't answer his questions. "I just don't understand. Am I that indecisive in my interests? I won't be happy here, I know that already, but I don't want to betray Quatre either. He took Trowa's leaving so badly, what would happen if I left too?" Again the dog had no answers, she had fallen asleep. Soon Duo joined her, taking a nap underneath the shady tree.  
  
Shi's growl woke him some time later. She was showing many of her fine white teeth and her fur was bristled. He looked in the direction of her gaze and saw Quatre hovering a few feet away. "Duo?" The blonde murmured tentatively. Shi let out a deep bark and resumed growling. "Your dog doesn't like me, Duo?" Quatre looked crestfallen.  
  
Duo shrugged indifferently. He stood and jumped, swinging onto the lowest branch of the tree. "I'm sorry, Quatre." He called, climbing higher into the tree.  
"Sorry? For what?"  
  
"For being me." Duo replied. He hung from his knees a moment to stare at the innocent young man below him.  
  
"Don't be silly! I love you for being you!" Quatre laughed nervously and Duo fought a visible cringe, disappearing into the foliage.  
  
"I've spent the last few years trying to find my niche in life, where I can be happy. I thought I had found it with Hilde, with Wufei . . . It starts out well enough and I'm happy, but it fades so quickly. I still care for them but I couldn't stay with them."  
  
"I don't understand what you're getting at." He began to wring his hands fretfully.  
  
Duo swore, he didn't want to upset Quatre, but his freedom very possible depended on it. "I think you do, Quatre, you just don't want to admit it."  
" . . .You don't love me . . . but you said . . ."  
  
"Quatre, I care for you, but I think I need to be free. To not be tied down to one person." He met Quatre's devastated gaze. "I will stay as long as you think you need me."  
  
"But what do you want?"  
  
Duo failed to hide his cringe that time, he didn't want to say it! "What I want   
doesn't matter. I'll stay forever if you choose, but . . ."  
  
"But?"  
  
"I won't be happy."  
  
"I . . . see . . ." Quatre looked at the ground and walked away.  
  
Duo watched the dejected form retreat back towards his mansion. "This doesn't look good, Shi." He murmured, "And it's all my fault."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Quatre stepped into his home, eyes wet, face blank. He barely even acknowledged Rasid's presence, leaving the door open and stepping around the older man.  
"Master Quatre, are you all right? Tell me what's happened to you."  
  
"No, Rasid . . . I'm fine." The young blonde murmured coldly, staring at the floor. "Please, I'd like to be alone the rest of the evening."  
  
"Should I send some food up at dinner time?"  
  
"No, I'm not hungry." Quatre slowly climbed the stairs and disappeared down the hall to his room.  
  
"Quatre!" Duo burst in several minutes later. Shi bounded past him, jumped up to swipe her tongue across Rasid's chin and headed for the kitchen where a cool bowl of water and an adoring chef awaited her. Rasid did not move, he crossed his arms and stared at the braided man in front of him. Duo met his glare and eeped. "Hey, Rasid, where's Quatre?"  
  
"In his room, he does not want to be disturbed. He is very upset, did you have anything to do with that?"  
  
"I'm afraid I was." Duo looked at the floor, ashamed, he coughed, "I said too much this afternoon, I was hoping to beg forgiveness now . . ."  
  
"Not today, see him tomorrow. Hopefully, you can bring his smile back as easily as you took it away. You do realize how happy Quatre got when he received your letters and phone calls and when you came?"  
  
"Yes, Rasid, I do."  
  
"So why have you jeopardized it?"  
  
Duo sighed and ran a hand through his bangs. "I don't know, I wish I did . . . I was just . . ." He growled and turned away. "I don't want to hurt Quatre, but I don't want to stay either."  
  
"Then leave."  
  
"I can't. I can't leave until Quatre says I can. It's a deal I made with myself a long time ago."  
  
"I see. I could speak with him . . ."  
  
"No! He can't have anyone trying to coerce him, let him decide for himself . . . I'm going to me room, see you tomorrow, Rasid."  
  
"Yes, Master Duo."  
  
Duo bounded up the stairs and slipped quietly into his own room. As he flopped onto his bed, he wondered what he would say to Quatre, that he changed his mind, was wrong, what? He pulled an arm over his eyes and sighed, Never satisfying his unending questions, he slipped into a restless slumber.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Still wearing the blank-faced stare, Quatre stepped into his bathroom and undressed. He carefully unfolded his clothes and set them on the counter. He turned the water on searingly hot and pulled the plug, watching it begin to fill. He climbed in and sat down the shallow water lapping at his legs. Turning another knob, he started the shower. Water began to rain down on him, turning his fair skin pink from the heat. He didn't bother to pull the shower curtain, letting the water splash out of the tub.  
  
He sighed, turning his head up and letting the water pour over his face. He sat there a long time before moving again. Slowly he began to meticulously wash himself, starting with his hair and moving down, not paying attention when the bathtub's water level control drain couldn't remove the water faster than it was being filled.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Duo awoke to Shi's barking and scratches at the door. He groaned and sat up. His mouth tasted like Shi had been trying to french kiss him in his sleep. He noticed the tray the chef had brought up when he had returned Shi and grabbed a sandwich. He took a bite and opened the door. Not much time had passed, maybe an hour. It was just starting to get dark.  
  
Shi rushed from the room and turned back, her barks reaching a frantically high pitch. She turned away, towards Quatre's room and rushed there and back again, still barking. Duo sat his sandwich down and followed her.  
  
"Shi, stay." He ordered and knocked at the door. No answer. Slowly, carefully, he entered, "Quatre?" he called.  
  
Duo could here the water running from the bathroom and water over. Hearing a squishing noise, he looked down and saw the water flowing from under the closed door. "Quatre?!" He yelled, knocking. Again, no answer.  
  
"Quatre, I know you're in there! Answer me!" Duo yelled, pounding harder. Still, not a sound aside from the water. Duo growled to himself and easily picked the lock.  
  
He swung open the door just in time to see the blonde collapse face first into the over-flowing water. Water that was turning sickeningly pink in color.   
  
"Quatre!" Duo pulled him up and turned off the water. "Baka."  
  
Quatre sputtered and half-opened his eyes. "Duo?" He whispered, barely audible.  
  
"Yeah, it's me." Duo lifted him from the water and propped him against the counter, wrapping a towel around his trembling body and tightly holding his bleeding wrists. "Why, Quatre? Why did you do this?"  
  
"No one will stay with me, no one loves me enough." Tears welled up in the blonde's eyes. "I don't have anyone to live for."  
  
"Quatre, look inside yourself, you know that's not true!" Duo began bandaging the now slowly seeping wounds. "The amount a person loves another is not measured by whether or not they stay together! And there will always be at least one person you have to live for."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"You. You don't need to depend on anyone else to decide whether to live or not. Your life should not depend on someone else's love. You are kind, considerate, loving, and beautiful. No one else is more important." Duo replied sternly. "So many people depend on you too, even if you don't live for them, Rasid, the mangunacs, the colonists, the employees of the Winner Corporation, too many people to just give up now." Quatre nodded, Duo's words slowly sinking in. "Now then, I'm going to go get Rasid, you stay put . . . and no tricks." Duo swiped the sharp kitchen knife from the tub on his way out. "Rasid! We got an emergency! Call an ambulance or somethin'."  
  
"Why, what happened?"  
  
Duo held up the knife, "Someone got a little carried away. He's fine, as much as he can be, anyway."  
  
An ambulance was called and Quatre was rushed to the hospital. He was no longer in danger, thanks to Duo's perfect timing. Duo and Rasid sat in the waiting room until the doctor came from attending Quatre. "Your friend will be fine. He'll be weak for a while though. We're going to keep him overnight, but when he goes home tomorrow, try to keep him quiet."  
  
Rasid nodded solemnly. "Can I go see him?" Duo asked.  
  
"Yes, he's in room 256. He may be asleep though." Duo nodded faintly, already on his way to Quatre.   
  
"Quatre?" Duo quietly stepped into the room. The blonde opened his eyes and looked over him. He looked so young, so small in frail in the hospital bed. He smiled faintly.  
  
"I thought about what you said." Quatre whispered.  
  
"Really? What time?" Duo pulled a chair up to the bed and clasped Quatre's hand.  
  
"All of it . . . Since when were you that smart?"  
  
Duo laughed, "I've got my secrets, I guess. So . . ."  
  
"You don't have to stay." Quatre looked at the ceiling, tears glistening in his eyes. "I understand now. You love everyone too much to stay with just one of us. I can't try to keep you here, like a bird in a cage. I can satisfy myself with just the piece of your heart I have."  
  
Duo hugged him, almost taking the smaller man's breath away. "Oh, Quatre! Thank you! I'll stay until you're well again, at least."  
  
"You'll come back and visit, won't you?"  
  
"Of course, you, Wufei, Trowa, Heero, all the gundam pilots, will always have a special place in my heart."  
  
Quatre hugged the braided pilot back, "Ai shiteru, Duo . . ."  
Duo buried his head under Quatre's chin. "Ai shiteru, Quatre, always."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
True to his word, Duo stayed until Quatre was well again. Dismissing Quatre's offer for a ride to the spaceport, he shouldered his bag and started walking down the road. Shi trotted obediently beside him. Duo looked back and met Quatre's smiling eyes. Grinning back, he waved.  
  
Quatre returned the gesture, then turned and went back inside, closing the door behind him.  



End file.
